thedevotedmystic.com

Sacred Snark Sunday, Vol. XI

📞 “Please hold, your manifestation is important to us…”

Some days it feels like the universe has outsourced all of our prayers, affirmations, and midnight bargains to a celestial call center. You light a candle, send your intention out into the void, and what do you get back? An automated voice:

“Press 1 if you’re asking for clarity.
Press 2 if you’re asking for money.
Press 3 if you’re asking for love.
Press 4 if you’ve already tried turning your chakras off and back on again.”

⌛ The Eternal Hold Music

Let’s talk about divine buffering. The hold music is always some cosmic remix of elevator jazz, except every third note is a reminder of your past mistakes. You’re stuck there, wondering if maybe your request got dropped, or if Spirit is just waiting to see if you’ll crack and hang up before your “lesson” arrives.

Spoiler: the lesson always arrives. It just shows up in the form of your neighbor’s dog barking at 3am, or your ex texting you the moment Mercury stations retrograde.

⚡ Error 404: Clarity Not Found

Sometimes, after hours on the line, you finally reach a representative of the Divine Department of Synchronicity. And just when you think they’re about to hand you enlightenment, the call cuts out. Error message? “Your soul’s Wi-Fi is unstable.”

And honestly, it’s true. One minute you’re vibing with the cosmos, the next you’re rage-scrolling Amazon reviews for sage bundles at 2am. Spiritual bandwidth is a fickle thing.

🔮 Cosmic Tech Support FAQs

• Q: Why is my manifestation taking so long?
  A: Your karmic queue is full. Please delete three unresolved childhood wounds and try again.
• Q: How do I reach a live operator?
  A: You don’t. You get dreams that don’t make sense until 14 years later.
• Q: Why do I keep attracting chaos?
  A: Because you ticked “Yes” on the box marked “Challenge Mode” in your soul contract.

✨ Closing Thoughts

Maybe the joke is that the universe isn’t ignoring us — it’s teaching us patience, resilience, and how to laugh while on eternal hold. Next time the cosmic phone tree loops you for the hundredth time, remember: sometimes the sacred answer hides in the absurd delay.

And when in doubt, press 0. You never know when you’ll get bumped to a higher dimension’s manager.

Until Next Time,

The Inspired Imaginative | The Devoted Mystic

© 2025 The Devoted Mystic.
All rights reserved. This content is the original work of the author and may not be copied or reproduced without explicit permission.