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Sacred Snark Sunday, Vol. III | Reclaiming the Blessing in the Backhanded Cosmic Slap

You asked for a sign.
You lit the candle, sipped the nettle tea, shuffled the deck, stared into the abyss (which, for the record, was also staring back), and whispered into the void:

“Send me something clear.”

And the Universe—ever the cryptic trickster—delivered.

Not with a feather. Not with an angel number. Not with a synchronicity that made your witchy heart sing.
Nope.
It came with a flat tire.
A sleep-paralysis dream laced with anxiety.
Or maybe your third houseplant this week gave up and flopped dramatically onto the floor like a Shakespearean extra.

That, dear reader, was your sign.

Because sometimes sacred messages don’t arrive on the wings of doves.
Sometimes they ride in on flaming dumpsters of chaos.

And here’s the kicker:
It’s still guidance.
Still sacred.
Still exactly what you needed to break the trance, burn the illusion, or finally—finally—stop asking for a “gentle” awakening and start doing the damn thing.

🕯️ Ritual Nudge: The “Bless This Mess” Backfire Banishing

Sometimes you need to thank the Universe… for the mess.
Here’s how to ritualize the ridiculous:

What you’ll need:

• A candle (the crustier, the better)
• A scrap of paper
• A pen you actually like
• A spoonful of black salt, coffee grounds, or dirt from your sassiest plant

Instructions:

1. On the paper, name the sign you received—the one that felt like a cosmic insult in disguise.
2. Light the candle. Let it bear witness. Read the paper aloud like you’re auditioning for divine sarcasm theater.
3. Recite: “I bless this mess and release the stress.
   Even cosmic slapstick is sacred, I guess.”
4. Fold the paper around your chosen earth element.
   Bury it in a plant (ask permission first), or throw it in the trash with flair and forgiveness.

🎬 Journaling Prompts for the Snark-Initiated:

• When was the last time life gave me what I needed, wrapped in what I didn’t want?
• Have I been asking for signs I’m not truly ready to receive—or only the ones that fit my fantasy?
• If Chaos is a teacher… what’s on the syllabus this week?

🖤 Closing Blessing:

May your signs be loud, your discernment be sharp, and your rituals be soaked in both sacredness and side-eye.
You are not being punished.
You are being rerouted—with flair.

Until next Sunday,

The Inspired Imaginative | The Devoted Mystic

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